~ · UNDEAD · AND · UNAPPRECIATED · ~

It is perhaps the most deadly of diseases that could possibly infect anybody. It slowly eats you up even before you realize you are suffering from it.

Its symptoms are so common that you don’t even know that they are symptoms at all. It begins with getting easily pissed, distracted or lonely for no good reason. As time passes, these bouts of anger, loneliness or sadness becomes more frequent and common that you take them as a normal everyday occurrence. You nitpick about everything and you often feel that nobody loves, likes or cares for you. Then, you scold yourself for being too self-centered or too pathetic. You feel ashamed and keep it to yourself.

Then, insomnia and loss/increase of appetite set in. and you blame them on your deadlines and exams. Finally, you reach the peak of depression by being suicidal. You often think of slashing your wrist, using that big knife in the kitchen, or maybe jumping off that ledge. Thinking of the best suicide scenario becomes a hobby, an obsession even.

But this doesn’t convince you that you are indeed sick. You just blame it on boredom. You even joke about it sometimes, but most of the time, you are ashamed of it. So you keep it to yourself and you become more miserable.

Sometimes, you hope or pray that people will hear your silent cries but they do not. You feel helpless and pathetic again.

It’s a vicious emotional roller coaster. And you don’t feel like talking about it because you know – better yet, you are certain – that people will dismiss you as weird or simply laugh at you. So you keep it to yourself and hope that it will go away in due time.

But it does not. It keeps eating you up. And sooner or later, it will kill you either by driving you to suicide or by making you sick.

Indeed depression is the worst illness. There are no drugs, no sure-fire medication. Its as lethal as - maybe even more lethal than – cancer or AIDS.

*Maria A. Jose (Youngblood, Inquirer)*

This article helped me survive my emo cycle years. It’s hard to be a teen. There is really that moment when you feel like no one understands you, nobody cares or listens to your cries. I felt that and I don’t think I was the only one. A few days from now, a new year will be ahead of me and so, allow me to thank all the people who have been with me through this one hell ride of bumps and laughs, those who provided me with much inspiration to still try to live everyday as if there are no problems at all and to those lives that touched mine =)

Hazel, you have been the best kindergarten friend a kindergartner could ever have. I want to thank you for showing me that OLGA wasn’t that bad at all. You removed all my fears that dreadful first day of school. Even if my memories about kinder suck since I don’t remember much, your smile would be the first to vividly appear when I think about the whole early schooling experience. I wish you nothing but all the goodness that life has to offer for you and your family.

Mimi, you are like a twin to me! We have this picture together that I could never ever forget. You are masungit to others but you are the first one who made me feel welcome and at ease inside the class. How I wish I didn’t have to transfer schools but I had to. You were so good to me. Even if we lost touch, I know that what we shared is enough for me to remember you for all my life. Thanks Mimi, for being my half during those years. I would love to get in touch and see you again.

Abigail, I was feeling pre-teen when I met you. We had the same passion for dressing up and hanging out. I will never forget that time when we put salt in the pitcher with juice thinking it was sugar. Those times were like playing a mature bahay bahayan. We were cooking our snacks using real life stoves instead of the plastic ones. Oh happy times! Sometimes, I wish I could go back to those days when life was simpler. If we ever get together as a class, I would want to see you and have a chat or something.

Kaira , I would never forget you! You were my grade school best friend. We used to talk about divorce and all those adult stuff while taking our recess, give each other advises and that was the year that boys entered the picture. I don’t want to think that we have grown apart but I guess being exposed to different kinds of people and lifestyle made us a whole lot different now. It’s nice that I do see you in school until now. Back then I didn’t even think that we would end up going to the same university. Good luck in everything that will be ahead of you. I know that you can do it and in whatever way that I could help you, just let me know.

R.C., you have brought me joy and tears. You were the first guy that’s not a family member who showed me affection. You were really special to me and if I would put into words what I felt before, I would have to say that "and haba haba ng buhok ko". It was a fun experience and even if things didn’t go our way, you have taught me something that’s really important…that is guys aren’t that bad after all. You were sensitive and you had this way of making me feel special and wanted. Thank you for everything that we shared. I hope you find the one for you!

Steno, Yeng and DiWi, oh my goodness! I cannot thank you guys enough for everything that you have done for me. Thank you for staying beside me during those times that I really needed real people =) It was fun knowing you guys! Really…I mean it….hahaha =) I appreciate everything! I do!!!! Thanks for hanging with me.

Yvette, when I wanted to be a witch you were there to listen…hahaha! Crazy! You used to call me witchy witchy and I liked it… =) Thank you for being there for me during the time that I felt that the whole world was against me and for being there for me until now!!! Wow, we have been friends for seven or I guess more years. Hanggang nagyon ikaw pa din tinatawagan ko pag tatakas ako. Thank you for understanding my situation, you know what I mean. Thank you, thank you, thank you!!!

George, you are my only guy friend from way way back that’s not gay. Oh thank god! My jericho looking friend. I thought we would never talk again but after 5 years, here we are as if nothing happened. I know you cared for me and I want you to know that I really appreciate it. I enjoyed the times that we would go to school together and you’d still go home with me and my yaya. For 2006, I would want to hang out again and get to know you and what you are like now.

Mj, I didn’t think we would click! You are the most maarte girl sa carpool. I hated the sight of you. hahaha! But now, you are my very used friend. Why? Because "I am always with you when I go out." Mga palusot nga naman. Thanks for introducing me to your nice barkada.(dixie, razel, june, mickey, aika, may nakalimutan pa ba ko?) Who would forget the times na hinahatak kita just to accompany me to her house – you know what I mean. Thank you for helping me out in flash, the hours I stayed at your house paid off. This coming year, I want you to be really happy with what’s happening in your life. I wish your family well specially Kladine who I think is growing to be a nice and smart girl. She is certainly a blessing to your sister.

Ot2 (Tin, Supnet, May and Ola)+ Ren,Christine, Rebs and Karla, Thanks you guys! My high school is incomplete without you. Thanks a million for sharing your baon with me. Ola thanks for the trust, company and the sincere friendship that we have shared. If only I could bring that all back. I’m so sorry if I didn’t spare your feelings for that girl. That’s maybe because I didn’t think you liked her that much. Tin, Supnet and May, thanks for still understanding me even if you had a hard time dealing with my misunderstanding with Ola. For Ren, Tin, Rebs and Karla, you guys are the most matino friends i had in highschool.Hahaha! I didn't get to tell you this but I am so proud of you guys because you're all good in school then you still manage to have fun with me. I really really miss you! Sobra! It’s been years since I last saw all of you. For 2006, I promise that I’ll think of something for us to see each other and hang out. May mga boyfriend na yata kayo! Good luck sa mga love life nyo OT2!!!

Pau, I remembered something… I used to tell myself that if I weren’t involved with someone back then, I would want to get to know you better…deeper. Hahaha! You are such a good catch. Thanks for all the advises, for understanding my weirdness back in high school. I have finally realized that I am such a fool when it comes to love! And I still am. I’m gonna tell you a secret… I like the way you carry yourself. You almost got me converted! But even if we don’t really share the same belief, you know that whatever you’re going through even if I don’t understand, I will always be here to listen.

Jho, ikaw! You look like my favorite person in the whole world! Thank you for trying to get to know me and for not judging me right away. You were there for me when my world was torn in two. Now allow me to pay you back by being there even late at night when you want to cry or to have someone listen to your heart’s silent screams. Thanks tute for not changing and for being my lonely heart’s cheerleader.

Rachel, salamat ng napakadami! Thank you for giving me the chance to get to know you better and the chance to be close with you. Isn’t it funny that I used to say YUCK every time you’d say something nice about Yulo? Now look at me! I am head over heels in love with the person. Thank you for being with US even if late na on a school night. Those times were a whole lot of fun! Thank you for the last time we saw each other. Even if we just had coffee and talked for an hour or so my heart was jumping with joy because I got to talk to the person that I know will understand what I am going through. A lot of things had happened, so for 2006, we should see each other again but this time kasama na sana si Yulo. I’ll treat you to the resto in Bahay ng Alumni! Yippee!!!! I am looking forward!

J.A., Thank you for making my heart beat faster again even for just a moment. Thank you for being civil about the whole situation. I really enjoyed talking with you and hanging out once in a while. You are a great guy. I hope you do find the girl you are waiting for. Just promise me one thing, when you finally find her, do not ever let her slip away.

Michael, Jello, Pau, Merce and Steph, thanks you guys for completing my stay in OLGA. Masarap talaga sumakay sa Revo mo kuya!!! I’m starting to miss the backgate food, Circle T and yung Siomai sa may parking plus Cheers na lemon. Those were the happy days. Back then I can go home with my pockets and wallet empty kasi may carpool. Kuya Mike, thanks for "educating" me the best way you could and thanks for the discount card, too bad I didn’t get to use it. For the chikitings, thank you because you made me laugh every time I get stressed out from school. Until now you guys still invite me when you have the chance to get together after your classes. I really appreciate everything. You may be younger than I am but that didn’t hinder you from getting close to me. I do hope you get to enter good colleges. Jello, suportahan taka!

     G.Y., who would ever forget you? My favoritest person in the whole wide world!!! I would gladly miss a lot of Christmas parties to be with you even for two hours lang. I miss your company right now. I would like to thank you for not changing who I am. For accepting me as I am and for loving me even if I have a whole lot of shortcomings. You are the only person who believes in me despite knowing who I really am, my weaknesses and share of failures. You were there for me almost all of the time. Thanks for doing a whole lot of things for me and because of me.We have been through a lot. There is no such thing as a perfect relationship. We do hate each other at times. We fight over little things and sometimes nobody wants to listen. But in defiance of all those things, although we’re not technically together anymore, we’re still here. I loved you then and I still love you that much now. Thank you for trying to keep me. "I would rather be friends with you than none at all". Thanks so so much for bringing this much happiness into my life. NINE will always be special because of you. When we see each other some time in January, I want to talk about how it all started. =)

My Blumoondiyes Family + Pat "steady eddie" Magno, you read it right! Family! You guys have been more than just my friends in school, you are like family to me now. I love you guys, as in. School life inside the walls of La Salle can be quite short (except for issa who is playing with her course syllabus) so I’m trying to spend much time with all of you because time flies whenever I’m having fun. Words would not be enough to describe how happy I am to have met such wonderful people. I was afraid of choosing the wrong friends in college because I have made that mistake a whole lot of times before but this time I guess I have learned my lesson. You are the bestest people in DLSU and I am so glad I am friends with all of you! This coming year, I want you guys to excel in every endeavor that you would put your mind and heart into.

My ever so wonderful professors (Dr. Bau, Sir Ringgo=), Sir Francis, Sir Briones, Sir Lakan) I feel like a total expert after my classes with all of you! Sir Francis, you make my brain oh so happy that I cannot think right for the whole day! Hahaha! My big oh so big huge huge tuition fee is worth its every cent because of professors like you. Thanks a whole lot for the experience and for the wonderful things you put into my mind.

Sir Lem, of course you are special to me!!! Thank you ever so much for trusting me. You’re a great guy and I believe in you . I will be here all the way and you know naman na I’m just a text away. How I wish we became close as bit earlier. It was fun hanging out with you. For this coming year, I want to wish you nothing but true happiness, you deserve it man!

Mom and Dad, even if we don’t get along at all times, I know that you guys will be there for me a hundred and one percent of the time. Thank you for bearing with my mood swings whenever I’m trying to do all my requirements or study for an exam. I may not be the nicest daughter you have but I want you to know that I am trying to be the best daughter that I could be to repay all the goodness that you have showed me through all these years. I know it wasn’t easy to raise a kid like me but I guess even if I didn’t turn out to be a Stepford perfect daughter, I became humane. I love you and I wouldn’t want to do anything this year to hurt your feelings. That’s a promise, one that cannot be broken!

Ate, Kuya, Diko, hala wala akong masabi. I guess the kind of relationship we have now is way better than it used to be. That may be because I am much older now. I may act like the same bunso but I am much unmadamot now. Since Hans and Sam’s there, I feel like I am much older, therefore I should try acting like a real grown up. I feel the responsibility coming my way. This coming year, I wish you guys a good life and success in your chosen fields.

Hans and Sam, I love you guys even if Hans likes hitting me and Sam likes waking me up when I’m in deep sleep. I love the way you make me feel that I am needed. Thank you because you are my "lab rats" when it comes to case studies in school. Thanks for the laughter and the fun moments we have. This house is much fun when the both of you are around. I wish you both good health. Hans, I hope you’ll do well in school this coming year. Be good to mom and dad, lolo and lola and tito and tita. I love you my little angels!

Julie, my ever so loving yaya. You have been with the family for so long that I cannot imagine a day without you. I hope you had fun on our date today. I am glad that we still find time to be with each other even if I’m 18 already. Thank you for being so caring, loyal and loving to all of us. Even if I joke around all the time, you know that I love you and I am glad that you’re with us. (dito lang ako naiyak while typing) I appreciate you more than you think I do. Thanks for keeping me warn with your hug during the cold December nights. Thank you for wiping my tears dry even if I don’t tell you why. I thank God for giving me someone like you.

So here's to a great year!